Know Thy Enemy
by Cricket Tealeaf
Summary: Sequel to Fractured with strong ties to its companion Handful of Dust. Chapter 22: Reid signs himself over. Prentiss briefly holds the spotlight, having been neglected thus far 23: The first night...
1. Chapter 1

_Quantico, Virginia_

_"Someone owed David Rossi a favor and they fervently wish that they have paid their dues. I'm afraid that I can't say anymore."_

Hotch stared at his computer screen, poring over information. It was the details of a case that Rossi had worked during the mid-eighties. It was proving to be particularly macabre, involving a group of deviants who resorted to cannibalism. The last victim had been a single mother who had been slaughtered only a few feet from her young son. Hotch wondered briefly if it was a blessing that the boy had survived, after having witnessed his mother's horrific death. Seven unsubs had been killed, three had escaped and fallen off the radar. He looked at the clock, any minute the others would start arriving. He saved it and closed it, leaving the office to wait for his team.

Penelope and Emily laughed. The sound of it reached Stephanie's ears as she left the elevator. She quickened her pace as she walked towards them. Derek continued speaking, "And you know, like the rest of them he didn't know how it got there."

"Good morning, everyone," Stephanie said, cheerfully. She held a blue binder against her chest with her arms wrapped around it. Derek made a mental note of this.

The laughter faded. A moment of awkward silence followed. Penelope glanced at her nonexistant watch. "I have to go to my office. Strauss wants me to pull information on the Leviston case." She drifted away. Stephanie sighed and looked at the floor.

"Yeah, I have to go too. Hotch called me last night, said he wanted to speak with me first thing. I have no idea what its about, " Emily told them, before leaving too.

"What's wrong, mama," Derek asked, focusing his attention on Stephanie.

"I've been part of this team for over six months and they still do that."

He shrugged. "It's going to take longer than usual for them to warm up to you."

She rolled her eyes. "They're not going to warm up to me. Especially Garcia. Because I'm not _Dr. Spencer Reid."_

"You gotta understand that's a tough act to follow."

"Apparently. Derek, I'm not sure I want to be here."

"I'm not even going to touch that one. You will find that if all you do is run away, you never actually get anywhere."

She rolled her eyes again. "Wow, Morgan that was really lame."

"Say, how about when we are done here, lets go to TCBY. As coworkers. I'll see if the girls want to come with," he suggested.

She gave him a skeptical look. "Is that really a good idea?"

"Things can't be worse than they already are." A pause. "Can I give you some advice?"

"I guess."

"Lighten up a little. You're worse than Hotch sometimes. And another thing: Know thy enemy." Stephanie said nothing for a moment and Derek found himself disapointed that she didn't start name the quotee as well as various obscure facts on that person. That was something Spencer would have done, he realized. He smiled wistfully. Stephanie returned it, apparently believing it was aimed at her.

"But what do you mean?"

"If you take the time to find out who Reid is, maybe you will understand why the others act the way they do. But don't tell any of them about it. Trust me, it'll only make things worse."

* * *

_Las Vegas, Nevada_

"Now I have studied philosophy, medicine and the law, and unfortunately, theology, wearily sweating, yet I stand now, poor fool, no wiser than I was before; I am called Master, even Doctor, and for these last ten years have led my students by the nose-up, down, crosswise and crooked. Now I see that we know nothing finally," Diana Reid read in a soft slow voice.

Dr. Jennsen stood in the door way. "I'm sorry Ms. Reid but we have to be getting back now. We're already late and you know how Marcus gets."

"Yes, I know but I just started reading Faust to him." Despite her protest she put the book to the side and got to her feet. She leaned over the bed and kissed her son's forehead.

Jennsen fidgeted impatiently. "We can come back on Friday."

"That sounds nice," Diana said, smiling at Jennsen's nervousness. "See you in a few days, Spencer."

Georgia waited in the hallway, watching Ms. Reid and her doctor leave. She returned to the room to check on her patient. There had been little change in the past few hours but she knew better than to fall into complacency. Aaron Hotchner would likely have her head and her career if she neglected her charge. She turned off the light and headed into the den. She carried on with various tasks, keeping an ear tuned to that room.


	2. Chapter 2

_Nathan Harris, Owen Savage, Adam Jackson. Three names scribbled onto a scrap of paper and left on her desk. Stephanie held it up, reading the names over and over again, wondering what it meant._

"Some people have to save everybody," Amanda said, then taking a long drag off her cigarette. "That's Dr. Reid for you. Trying to fix the world."

Stephanie mulled over this for a few minutes. "He's not happy unless he plays the hero?"

"Not at all. Far as I can see he's not after glory. It's simply something he must do."

"What do you mean?"

"I think it's like those serial killers that you people talk about and he simply cannot help himself. You know how the victims they target are surrogates for someone that caused them pain. Except in reverse, of course. Like he couldn't save someone so he tries constantly to make amends." Amanda paused to take another puff. "Shame he doesn't know a lost cause when he sees it."

"You're saying there's nothing he can do then, for Adam?"

"I take care of Adam. He doesn't need Dr. Reid." Amanda tapped ash from the tip. "You came here for understanding, well that would be the answer you need. Who is he so desperate to save? Shouldn't be too hard for someone in your line."

Stephanie shook her head. "Actually, I specialize in linguistics and cryptography. I don't really know that much about profiling."

Amanda looked surprised. "Than why on earth are you with the BAU?"

Stephanie opened her mouth to respond but quickly shut it with a puzzled expression. Amanda leaned back, wearing a satisfied smile.

* * *

_Why am I here?_ The conversation had left her unsettled. The phone on her desk rang, startling her from her thoughts. No doubt it was Hotch; he and the others having jetted off to Los Angeles on the trail of the latest monster leaving her and Garcia behind. She answered it.

But it was Morgan and not Hotch. "Hey mama, how you doin' this morning?"

She sighed. "Oh I'm just tired."

He cut her off. "Listen I'm faxing something to your end. Make sure Garcia gets it."

She blinked. "Don't you have some work for me?"

He responded, sounding a little irritated, "Yeah. Take the fax to Garcia. The machine in her office is apparantly gone down."

"I got it." There came the sound of a dial tone. She stared at the reciever for a minute before slamming it back on the cradle. "Now I'm a trained monkey," she said bitterly.

She snatched up the fax as it came out and stormed over to Garcia's office, going inside without so much as a knock. She was greeted with the usual icy glare.

"What do you want?"

"The others sent this over for you," Stephanie said holding it out.

Garcia snatched it from her hand. "Great, now get out of my office." She smiled inwardly that the girl had been put to such a menial task.

* * *

_Las Vegas_

Georgia woke abruptly. She sat up on the couch, alarmed. It seemed some small noise had occured and roused her. A second later the security alarm began screeching. She looked around at the front door. A pane from the window beside it had been broken and shards of glass lay scattered on the floor around it. The phone rang. She answered it to hear the reassuring voice of an operator from the security company.

"Some one tried to break in, I think. Broke the window. I'm not sure if they're gone or not."

"We're sending the authorities."

"Thank you."

A few minutes later a squad car arrived. Georgia stood shivering on the doorstop watching them pull in. A message had been sprayed on the front door. _Just a token of my appreciation- love, Maia. _It was written in bold black letters that Georgia didn't feel she needed to point it out to them. The message meant nothing to her and she passed it off as the antics of a drunken teen. On the other hand, her patient was FBI. Perhaps some freak had thought this would be worth a laugh. Or maybe there were more sinister intentions.

A chorus of howls went up in the distance. Georgia was startled at first but put it from her mind as this was closer to the desert than to the casinos and coyotes were common here.

"I'm a private physician. My patient is an FBI agent. He may have been the target," she told the officer.

"It's possible. I'll need to speak with him to determine if that may be the case."

She shook her head. "He's unresponsive."

The officer sighed. "Alright then. I'm afraid there isn't much more I can do here then."

She nodded and watched them go. She had never been one to be easily frightened but now a chill crept up her spine and didn't abate until the sun rose.


	3. Chapter 3

He was coming around. Finally. Georgia wondered if it was related to the excitement of the previous evening.

"Where am I," Spencer murmured sleepily, his voice sounding thick to his ears. He kept his eyes shut, wincing against the brightness. He lifted a hand to shield them.

"Las Vegas. Aaron Hotchner insisted you be near your family," Georgia told him. "Are you with me, Dr. Reid?" There had been several false alarms already and she didn't want to notify the others without being certain.

"I think so." He opened his eyes cautiously and turned away from the source of light.

She moved immediatly to remedy the situation. "I got it. Photosensitivity is not uncommon in cases like yours." She closed the heavy panel blinds thus eliminating most of the glare.

"Thank you." He rubbed his face, it feeling oddly numb as though he had slept for ages. He looked over at her. Her face was unfamiliar but her voice registered something in his memories.

"Do you recognize me," she asked him leaning closer.

He stared at her for a few minutes, looking and feeling puzzled. His mind wasn't at its usual sharpness. "Georgia," he said finally, sounding uncertain.

"Good," she said with a reassuring smile. She leaned closer still. His breath caught and he supressed a shiver, unnerved by her nearness. But she didn't seem to notice. Very gently she pulled the feeding tube from his nose. He winced again, at the unpleasentness of the experience. "Lets try you on something solid for a change, shall we?"

"Sounds good."

"And when you're done, I'll call your friends and your mother. They'll be wanting to know you're back with us."

He frowned, a little confused. She spoke as if he had been out for a long time. Surely it couldn't have been more than a few days. He started to say something about it but changed his mind. "Maybe I should call them."

"You know, that doesn't sound bad. You're right, I'll leave it to you then." She stepped into the den and took the phone from the cradle. She gave it to him when she got back in the room. "I'll go make you something."

He stared at the dial, trying to remember Garcia's number. He sighed. _It shouldn't be this hard._ It finally came to him and he called her.

_Penelope stared at the unfamiliar number displayed on one of the screens. Her finger hovered over the accept button. She shrugged and pushed anyway. "Quantico."_

He smiled at the sound of her voice, so relieved that he forgot to respond.

_"Hello," she said with a hint of irritation._

He cleared his throat. "Hi Garcia."

_"Who is this," she said sharply._

"It's me, Reid."

_She froze. "That's not funny," she snapped._

"I know it's not. I wouldn't joke about it to you."

_"Oh-" She rose from her seat, waving her hands wildly at her face, trying to maintain her composure and failing. She made a sound halfway between a sob and a laugh. "It's you. It's really you. Oh!"_

"It hasn't been...that long."

"_No?" _He doesn't know_, she realized. "It's been too long on my end. How are you?"_

She sounded quite choked up. _How long has it been, _he wondered, _to elicit such an emotional response. _"I feel okay," he said.

_"That's great. Okay, you know I'm dying to talk to you but I'm just going to get the others and get them on the phone and then we'll be over to Vegas asap."_

"Its okay, Garcia. I wanted to talk to my mom anyway."

_"Oh." She sounded a little disapointed but brightened at once. "I'll call you back then in like twenty minutes, is that okay." _

"It's great."

_She made a kissing sound and then let him go. She practicly ran from her office to the conference area where the others were gathered._


	4. Chapter 4

"I heard a rumor you were back with us," Morgan announced.

"Hey," Reid said, sitting up. "I'm worried about Hotch."

Morgan nodded. "He thought he could hide what happened last time you were awake but something was eating at him and we all knew it. How is it you can remember that? From what he and Rossi say, you were pretty out of it."

"It's not clear. I can still remember the way I felt." He withdrew a bit, looking pensive.

"He's okay, Reid. You don't need to worry about him."

"But I wonder how people can go through that."

Morgan shrugged. "The same way you did."

Reid was quiet for a few seconds, reflecting. Morgan didn't understand. He sighed, letting it go for now and glanced to the door. "Did you see Georgia?"

"She's in the den watching soaps. Do you need her," Morgan asked, looking concerned.

"No!"

Morgan raised an eyebrow.

"She takes her job too far. I'm not an invalid. She makes me stay in this bed even though I tell her I'm feeling fine. And the food she tries to make me eat..."

Morgan grinned. "Too bad. Hotch is adamant. She doesn't go anywhere until he says so."

"He feels guilty. Make sure he knows I'm okay, will you?"

"I can do that."

"Something else has been bothering me, though."

"Tell me."

"I talked to Garcia. She acted like she hadn't-um...how long exactly has it been?"

Morgan looked reluctant. "Kid, I'm not sure this is the right time."

"I don't think there will be a right time. But I need to know."

"The attack on the BAU happened in January, right?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"It's July. It's been almost eight months since this started."

"Eight months? That can't be right."

"This is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you wouldn't like what you heard."

"But it doesn't make sense. People just don't go to sleep and wake up eight months later."

"But you weren't out all that time. It was a few days after Ethan was arrested that you were found. And then you woke up again but only for twelve hours or so."

Reid nodded. "So aside from those few weeks?"

"Pretty much."

Reid sighed again and leaned back. "Thanks for telling me, Morgan. I know you didn't want to be the one to explain it to me. When will the others be here? I want to see everyone."

"They'll be here. Hotch may take awhile, with his son and all but he'll stop by soon. And I'm sure Garcia and Prentiss will be here by morning. And Rossi came with me when I flew out."

"What about JJ? Is she okay?"

"JJ quit the BAU. Went back to New Orleans with LaMontagne but from what I hear she's doing alot better."

"She's gone?"

"You know how that happens. When it's enough, it's too much."

"Yeah but I didn't think-JJ is the one who approached me. I didn't think she would leave."

"I know the feeling. Look, I have to go for now. But I'll be back in the morning. And the rest of the team will start showing up. Pretty soon you'll be sick of us."

Reid smiled, a welcome sight. "I doubt that."


	5. Chapter 5

Two weeks slipped by and Reid found himself sitting in a Vegas club, surrounded by his coworkers.

"I'm really glad that you guys came all the way over here and did this for me but did you really have to bring her along," Reid said, with a nod in Georgia's direction.

"I am right here," she said, indignant. She threw back a shot of vodka, drawing looks from everyone else at the table. "But I guess with all of the money that your boss and your dad are giving me that I can let that one go."

"I'll give you a bonus this week, if you back off a little tonight," Hotch told her.

"Done deal," she said, taking another shot. "But no alcohol for him."

"Fair enough," Hotch replied.

Reid glared at them both in turn. "This is my belated thirtieth-birthday. I became legal nine years ago-"

"No," Georgia said coolly. She took her third shot in five minutes.

"Maybe you should slow down," he suggested.

She laughed aloud. "Now who is mother hen-ing."

Reid shrugged and looked around the room. Hotch spoke up again, "He's right though. It's not even ten yet."

"Whatever."

Garcia wandered back over. "Good thing Kevin's back home in Quantico. I love Vegas." She looked at Reid, and slung the end of her pink feather boa over her shoulder. "You look like you could use a lap dance."

Hotch almost choked on his beer.

"What! No, Garcia. I don't think-," Reid said, stumbling over his words. He looked to the others for help, but Hotch, uncharacteristically partially drunk, couldn't stop laughing at the scene and Georgia just cheered Garcia on.

* * *

"Where are they," Jennsen said, wringing his hands and pacing to and fro.

Diana tried to ignore him but knew this would soon prove impossible as the man's anxiety would increase as the hour grew late. She wondered how he managed to work in the sanitarum for so long. Wasn't it necessary for the staff to remain calm so that the patients would as well? "They are young people out having fun. They probably won't be back until the sun comes up."

"This arrangement was made with the agreement that you were to be spending time with your son and this would be under the supervision of myself and another physician. We broke policy for you," he told her.

"I know that."

"The director will have my head for this."

"I won't tell him you don't."

"It's not that simple."

* * *

"Garcia, what will Kevin think?"

"Kevin's not here," she purred.

"Am I the only one who thinks this is a bad idea?"

"Yes you are. Shut up and enjoy the ride."

* * *

The house went dark. Diana sighed inwardly, more concerned with what this would do to Jennsen's stress level than the actual power failure.

* * *

"I got pictures," Prentiss said.

Morgan rolled his eyes, feigning irritation. "Nobody told me this was happening."

Garcia looked at him, putting on a pouty face. "Awww, does my Chocolate Thunder want a turn of his own?"

"You know it, Baby Girl, but I think Kevin would kill me in my sleep."

Reid said nothing, just looked extremely uncomfortable at the turn of events. His cell buzzed. He opened the message, which read: Maia sends her love XOXO. He stared at it uncomprehending. He repeated it out loud. Georgia frowned. Her alcohol-addled brain processing something but what, she wasn't sure.

Reid stood up and headed towards the bar. Georgia wanted to follow him but wasn't sure if she could keep to her feet. Morgan picked up on this and went in her stead.

"Hey kid."

"Georgia sent you over here."

"She didn't have to."

"Just because I freaked out after what happened with Tobias Hankel doesn't mean I will this time. You guys don't have to keep acting like your afraid that I will break if you let me out of your sight."

"Fair enough." Morgan decided to change the subject. "You like her, don't you?"

"Georgia? She's okay."

"Uh-huh. I see the way you look at her sometimes."

But Reid dismissed this. "It's just transference. Because she's been taking care of me."

"Is that all?"

"Morgan," Reid sighed.

"Fine. I'll back off. But I think it would be a mistake that you just let her go. She's pretty and intelligent. Not so much in the humor department but..."

Reid shook his head. "Whatever I might be feeling for her she doesn't feel for me. She only does what she does because she gets paid for it. A few more weeks and we'll both move on."

"If you say so."

* * *

Reid helped a stumbling Georgia up the footpath and across the porch. Then he let her down on the bench near the front door. "I'm supposed to be doing this for you," she said laughing a little. He ignored her and opened the door. The house was dark.

Apprehension knawed at him. Jennsen and his mother were supposed to be here. Even if they had gone to sleep wouldn't they have left one or two lights on. He flicked on the switch closest but the area remained dark. "Great," he said under his breath. "The power went out," he called to Georgia.

"What," she slurred, coming up behind him. With her leaning against him for support, he went on into the den. Jennsen was apparantly asleep on the couch in there. Georgia groaned and moved away. Reid watched her go to make sure she didn't fall. She disapeared into the bedroom.

Reid pulled a flashlight from the tv stand. Georgia came back out in a rush. He turned it on her. She stood in the bedroom doorway, looking terrified. "Don't go in there," she gasped.

He shined the light on Jennsen, seeing what had already half-formed in his mind. The man was covered in blood, his dead eyes staring up at the ceiling. He dropped the light and pushed his way past Georgia and into the room.


	6. Chapter 6

Reid stayed on the couch, staring at his hands and arms which were drenched in blood, nearly to his elbows from his unsuccessful attempt at CPR. Paramedics moved through the room. Georgia sat beside him for a while with her hand on his arm but left to speak with the police when he couldn't. At some point Morgan came and made him leave.

The drive to the hotel was little more than a blur. Neither one of them hardly said a word but Morgan kept glancing over at him.

"Rossi left early so there's an empty room. Not that I think its a good idea for you to be left alone right now," Morgan told him.

Reid said nothing but went inside and locked the door behind him.

* * *

Morning came slowly as none of them managed to sleep. Hotch stood outside Reid's door and knocked on it. Not a sound came from the otherside. He hadn't really expected and answer but was disapointed nonetheless. His attention was pulled away when the elevators at the end of the hallway opened. JJ came through. He blinked, completly surprised by her appearance. "What-"

She cut him off. "I need your help. Will's gone missing."

"Sure I'll help but how did you find us here?"

She waved off his question. "Garcia's not the only one who can find out things."

"When did this happen?"

"Last week. I came home with Henry after he had a playdate. I was gone all afternoon with him but I knew there was no reason for Will to be gone. The only thing that I found was this." She held out a piece of paper for him to see.

It was a message of block letters. It read: Maia wishes only the best for you.

"Reid got a text like this last night. And a few weeks ago someone broke the window where he was staying. Something similar was spray painted on the door," Hotch said looking and feeling more worried about this than he had before.

"Who is Maia?"

"I have no idea."

* * *

Reid stared at the door, wondering which one of them had come by this time. He didn't get out of bed or even bother answering. He closed his eyes again and tried not to remember.

He had arrived here, his arms still bloody. In the hours that passed he had repeatedly bathed trying to wash them clean but it seemed to him that the blood remained. His mother's blood.

He stayed there all day, not wanting to see any of the others. Night came and dragged by and still he could not sleep. Sometime after two someone knocked again. He sighed and looked around again. This time he found himself opening it.

She stood there, looking disheveled but still beautiful. "Is it okay," she asked softly.

"Of course."

She let the door close as she went inside. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she whispered. She touched the side of his face.

"None of this is your fault."

She shook her head. "I should have paid more attention."

"No one could have known that any of this would happen."

"You're so sweet." She kissed him softly but he backed away.

"You don't want to do this."

"I think I do actually." She pressed up against him and kissed him again.

"This isn't right," he protested.

She put her finger to his lips. "It'll be okay."

* * *

She sat on the edge of the bed, with her back to him. Morning shed new light on the situation and guilt ate at her. She felt him shift, and close the gap between them. He kissed her on the shoulder and all along her neck. "This was a mistake," she said and immediatly berated herself for the lack of tact.

"I understand," he said softly. He pulled away from her.

She turned to face him, their gazes meeting. "It's not you," she said, now on the verge of tears. She hoped that he would believe her. It seemed to her that a shadow had fallen over him. She hated thinking that she had brought him more pain. "It," she began but her voice broke apart.

He gave her a warm smile. "It's okay, JJ. You don't have to explain to me."


	7. Chapter 7

_JJ slid her hand around the back of his neck and fell completely into the kiss. Reid didn't return it, shrinking away from her. _

_"Why are you afraid? Is it me or is it of being vulnerable?" She held on tight, not letting him get away._

_"JJ this is wrong..."_

_"Is it," she breathed into his ear. "Then you don't have to do anything. No one can blame you then. I'll take care of it." She negotiated him to the bed and gently fell back with him. She began tugging at his shirt. He reached to help her but she pushed his hand away. "I said, I'll take care of it." She pulled it over his shoulders and then his head, and let it fall to the floor._

_Scar tissue now riddled his chest, stomach and arms. She touched the remnants of a particularly nasty burn. "So brave." She took his hand and ran his fingers across her own scar, along her thigh. _

_She began to unzip his pants. Again he balked at her advances. "JJ no..." His voice trailed off as she found her mark. _

_

* * *

_

Reid sighed. He wished that JJ would stay with him, afraid to be left alone, but yet not ready to be among the others. Desperate to break the silence that had overtaken the room he began to speak. "JJ, I just want you to know that I felt something last night."

JJ shuddered. This was what she had feared. "Don't," she said in a small voice.

"No I didn't mean-I've just been feeling so numb lately. And..." He drew in a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Last night things were different."

She looked around at him again. "What do you think? Will just went missing and here I am." She blushed fiercely. "I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking."

Reid didn't answer. Society as a whole would frown on her actions, this was true, but it was JJ. He didn't know what to say but felt that if he didn't that she would think he was angry with her. So he changed the subject. "How did you get here?"

"I flew out yesterday morning. I'm bunking with Garcia."

"Are you back?"

"I don't know. I came for help finding Will."

"What happened? I'm sorry, I should have been asking you already."

"Its okay. I have no idea. He was just...gone."

* * *

_A blade touched Will's throat. The feel of it brought him abruptly to his senses. _

_"Kill him, what the hell are you waiting for," a cold female voice demanded._

_"I had an idea. Maybe he's more valuable for ransom," a man responded, obviously the wielder of the knife. His voice was steady but the knife trembled. Fear? Couldn't be excitement, was he not trying to spare Will's life?_

_"I have no wish for ransom. I want to make them suffer."_

_"More suffering will be brought about if they don't know. If we kill him, we have to dump the body. They will find it. If we keep him alive, they'll never know."_

_This argument made no sense. There were plenty of ways of destroying evidence. Will knew. He held his breath, hoping that the dominant one would comply. _

_The knife dropped away. 'Thank god,' Will thought._

_"She's gone," the young man said, after several minutes. He came into Will's line of sight. "I'm sorry I hit you. I had no choice. Others would die."_

_"What the hell is going on?"_

_"My worst fucking nightmare," the man said. Now that they were alone, every bit of his body language read anxiety. "My name is Henry. I work security, in a fashion. I'm not a killer, I'm not a criminal."_

_"Not a criminal? Breaking and entering, assaulting an officer, false imprisonment, want me to continue?"_

_"If you knew what she was... Maybe I can keep you alive."_

_"I'd rather be killed than be stuck here with a coward like you."_

_Henry faltered, the words striking him hard. Will anticipated an outburst, or some kind of reaction but nothing came. He wasn't a profiler but had spent enough time around them to pick up on a few things. Henry wasn't acting like the submissive partner, rather like another victim forced into a sick game. Will found no comfort in this idea. If it was true, than Henry had already been forced into kidnapping, how long before he killed Will to spare his own life?_


	8. Chapter 8

"I hate this. I hate leaving him here," Garcia said, turning to her knitting with a vengeance.

"It can't be helped. We've been gone too long already," Hotch told her. "Besides it's not like he's alone there. Georgia can be counted on to watch him like a hawk."

* * *

"What happened?" Spencer opened his eyes to a darkened room. This was reminscent of when he had first come out of the coma.

"You're having a migraine," Georgia said quietly.

"I never had them before."

"Things are different now. You've sustained a serious head injury. There are bound to be some repercussions, even after all this time."

He nodded, or tried to. The pain in his head exploded at the movement. He moaned softly and rubbed his forehead. "Epidural hematoma, not to mention all the embedded shrapnel. They had to operate three times," he said holding up three fingers to elaborate. He touched the surgery scar, now mostly hidden by his hair. "And then we all got a really bad idea. Chances are that sepsis was already present but not recieving the medication I needed made it worse, resulting in encelopathy and respiratory dysfunction, from the initial punctured lung." He paused taking a shuddering breath. "Georgia, I don't even know how I'm alive. How I survived that." She sat down and continued to watch him. "I'm sorry. You already know what happened."

"I also know you. Understanding it makes it easier to deal cope with, yes?"

"I just wish that it was someone else that I was talking about."

She removed a bottle from the front pockets of her scrubs. "This is Migralax. I gave it to you earlier, assuming it would be okay." He didn't say anything so she went on. "If you would like I can try you on a vitamin b supplement. Magnesuim and CoQ10. Of course, they would be preventative and you would still need this for the headaches."

"We can try that," he said. He was glad for the darkness and her hushed tones, knowing that noise and light can aggravate a migraine. "Where is everyone?"

"You don't remember? I guess that isn't surprising. They left this morning for Quantico. Couldn't put it off any longer."

"They didn't tell me."

"I pretty sure that they did and maybe you just forgot?"

"I have an eidetic memory-"

"Not any more Spencer."

He fell silent, struggling with this. He hadn't anticipated that this could happen, but then other times he wondered how he was even able to function given the extent of the injuries from the blast. Still, it was troubling...

"I have to go to the store. I want you to get some rest while I'm gone." She touched his arm and he found himself suddenly irritated at her well meaning gesture. He hated the facade of compassion, after all wasn't it what she was paid to do? He rolled over onto his side away from her.

"Spencer?"

"I'm fine," he snapped.

"Okay," she said, her tone bemused.

* * *

"Trust me, Garcia. I'm not looking forward to this anymore than you. In fact, probably less," Hotch continued.

"What do you mean?"

"Strauss wanted an eval on Reid. And I have to be honest with her. Currently, he can't be a part of this team. But she won't wait any longer and there will be talk of a permanent replacement."

"But...it's Reid. She can't just-"

"I know. I care about him as much as any of you. Professionally, the team is struggling without him."

She dropped her knitting and bristled. "That little tart better not-"

Hotch raised a hand, cutting off her tirade. "Rivas wouldn't be half bad if you would give her the oppurtunity."

* * *

"Well, Agent Hotchner," Strauss prodded.

"After spending time with Dr. Reid and speaking with his physician, I'm afraid I can't approve of his return to the BAU at this time."

"It's been almost a year. I can't ignore this any longer. Now, I understand that the circumstances were extreme and that is why I have been patient thus far but the time is come that I must take action."

"I understand."

Silence prevailed for several beats. Strauss sighed and gave a little. "I'm giving him three weeks. If, after that time he is unable to report for duty, I will assign another. I already have someone in mind. Otherwise, he will be restricted to the facility and SSA Rivas will take his place in the field. I am willing to give him one chance, as a favor to you. I understand that it ws difficult for you to give me this information, after all. But I will personally be monitoring him to determine if he will remain with the BAU."

"Thank you, maam," Hotch said, rising and extending his hand. He hoped that he was somehow able to conceal his wariness at her seeming good will.

She shook her head and did not accept his hand. "I really have no idea why I am allowing this."


	9. Chapter 9

"Actually that's not true. Mount Kea of the Hawaii islands is the tallest mountain in the world. Mount Everest is the highest," Reid said.

Georgia gave him a blank look. "What's the difference?"

"Highest indicates sealevel to peak. Tallest would be base to peak. So at 33,465, Mount Kea is 4, 436 feet taller than Everest."

"But Everest is higher?"

"Yes. See, Kea is only a slight 13,799 feet above sealevel whereas Everest is a much more impressive 29,029 feet which means it rises 15,230 feet above the taller Mount Kea."

"But-"

"Don't," Prentiss said, walking past them. "If you encourage him he'll go on all day."

And now, Reid felt oddly like a small child on his first day of school, facing an overbearing parent that just wouldn't leave. "Um...Georgia, do you mind?" After all this was the FBI building...

"My cue to leave, huh?" She adjusted her bag and started to leave. "I'll be back around noon," she called over her shoulder.

"Yeah, that's not embarrassing," he mumbled, under his breath. He followed Prentiss into the conference, where everyone was trying to hide that they were glad he was finally back.

And he was glad too. Finally, to be sitting in his seat at what he secretly called the round table. He leaned back, his eyes searching the room. Everything looked exactly the same as it had before all this had happened. Maybe he could pretend that it had never happened.

An unfamilar woman came and sat down beside him. He tried not to stare but immediatly felt unnerved. The illusion that he had been trying to build had already been destroyed.

She looked over at him. "You must be the famous Dr. Reid," she said softly.

He stared at her, bemused. "I wouldn't say famous, thats-"

"To hear these tell it, you're practically deified. Dr. Reid and all his . His expertise in just about everything there exists. Yet here you are and you look normal. I must say I'm a little disapointed." Bitterness and derision were clear in her tone.

He started to say something but at that moment Rossi came in the room. "Hotch, as you know is taking the week off to spend time with his son. Welcome back, Dr. Reid." He turned immediatly turned their attention to the case. "So far six victims. All under the age of twelve."

"I hate it when it's children," Prentiss said.

"We all do," Garcia echoed.

"Unsub comes in through the bedroom window, rapes the victims and then strangles them. Proceeds to cut the throat and wrists but at that point the victim has already died."

"If they're already dead than why bother," Rivas wondered aloud.

"Most likely the shock value of it. The unsub likely imagines the reactions of the parents of the victim upon finding the body. This says 'You're child suffered and you didn't even know. You didn't come to help. In the moment they needed you the most, you weren't there for them.' We're looking for a sadist that gets off on not only the suffering of his victims but that of those left behind as well," Reid said.

"Right," Rossi said. "Unsub leaves behind the knife but not the object used in the actual killing. No viable prints have been collected, however."

"Suggests an arrogant individual, leaving the knife. It's a message to the locals, saying that he will get away, no matter what," Reid went on.

Rossi looked at him. "Continue."

"The taking of the item used in the strangling suggests that he keeps trophies. Possibly to remind himself of the look in their eyes as they died."

"In other words, a real sicko," Garcia said to the room as a whole.

"Exactly," Rossi said.

"Attention-seeking, arrogant, sadistic. Could be a teenager. Male. Most likely no older than nineteen," Reid added.

"Right, Dr. Reid, stay here and work with Garcia." Garcia made a mock-exasperated noise at this. Rossi ignored her and continued, "Everyone else, the jet leaves in half an hour."

Rivas looked surprised. "I'm going with you guys?."

"I'm sorry, would you rather stay here," Rossi said, with a hint of sarcasm.

"No, that's not what I meant. It's just new." She glanced at Reid, as she hurried from the room.

"Rossi," Reid called to the older agent, hoping to catch him before he left.

"Yes?"

"Thanks for that by the way."

Rossi raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

"For letting me talk on the case like that. I wanted things to be normal. I'm just glad things seem to be normal."

"No problem." Rossi stepped from the room and then thought better of it, stepping back just as quickly. He also closed the door. "Look, kid, you know about Strauss?"

"Hotch said she was probably going to be hounding me for awhile. Why?"

"It looks to me like she'll be looking for any excuse. Keep on top of things or else. And none of us wants to see it happen to you. "

"What do you mean? You think she might fire me?"

Rossi sighed. "We're all wondering why she kept Rivas on."

"You're serious..."

"As a heart attack. If you keep on like you did just now it should be fine, but I'm asking you not to give her a reason."

"Thanks for the warning."

"You'll want to be getting in there with Garcia."

"Right."

Rossi handed him the file on the case as the two of them left the conference room.


	10. Chapter 10

"I know I shouldn't be complaining," Reid said breaking the long silence.

"Why not," Lehi interrupted.

"Because I survived. I'm not paralyzed. I'm not a drooling idiot. That could have happened but it didn't. Terrible things are happening to people. I see it everyday at my work. Children slaughtered in their beds, taken from their homes, their freedom and innocence stolen from them by evil people. And the families of the victims. Their lives can never get back to the way they were before it happened. They try but it just doesn't work."

"Explain to me how that makes your experience insignificant."

Reid sighed. "I just told you."

"I must have missed that then. Please explain."

He sighed again. "I work for the FBI but you already know that. Everyday we go out knowing that something like that could happen just because of who we are and what we do. The people outside of law enforcement go about their daily lives not anticipating any harm. It comes with the territory."

"You still haven't answered my question, Dr. Reid," Lehi told him, now with a hint of irritation in her voice.

"I have told you. Twice."

Lehi stared at him, saying nothing. He avoided her gaze and looked at the digital clock on the wall. "Are you feeling uncomfortable?"

"I feel a migraine coming on," he said, rubbing his forehead.

"Yes, I can see how the stress of avoiding the issue can be difficult."

"What issue? There is no issue. I'm perfectly fine."

"You're mother was murdered in your own home while you were out with your friends. Before that you spent several moments in a comatose state as a result of traumatic injuries and a blood infection."

"Yes, yes. Pneumothorax, epidural hematoma and sepsis leading to encephalopathy. It's all over. It's done," he said hastily, wanting this to be over. He hated that Strauss had made these mandatory.

"Then you should have no problem discussing it with me. You may as well sit down, Dr. Reid. You're not leaving here for another 45 minutes."

"What's wrong," Garcia asked as Reid joined her, noting that he looked paler than usual.

"I just had a session with my therapist. I hate going there. It's like she sees right into me."

She laughed. "Now you know how I feel around here."

Reid sighed heavily and decided to change the subject. "So do we know what's going on with JJ's husband?"

"Hotch offered JJ, but you know Strauss. Since we would be personally involved."

"But the explosion was personal."

"I know, but we were pulled from that too. Hotch and Rossi broke protocol, remember?"

"But do we know anything?"

"Afraid not."

Henry leaned against the side of his van, his whole body shaking with the shock and horror of had occured. LaMontagne was out cold and likely would be for several hours. But the girl. The girl was dead.

_"We can let him go. We don't need him. He's not even involved," Henry pleaded with Maia._

_She smiled at him. "Of course not. What would I ever do without you, my son? You inspire me to greater things, three have died in the sparing of his life."_

_Henry's heart skipped a beat._

_"Any many more will die in his place."_

_"Look, you don't have to. Dr. Magnus can help you. She helped me."_

_"Don't you talk to me of that devil woman. She took you from me." Her eyes blazed. "Do what you will with him," she hissed. She smiled again, the transition so sudden that he hardly knew how to react. "I almost forgot. I've brought you a gift."_

_The door opened and the other woman, Ava, dragged a pretty blond woman into the room. She glared at Henry as they passed. Ava threw her to the floor before leaving with Maia._

_Henry stared at her, she doing the same, her eyes full of defiance. He admired her resolve. He sighed inwardly. He moved slowly towards her. She screamed from beneath her gag. Coming closer still, he gently removed it from her mouth. _

_"It's okay. I won't hurt you. I know they did but you can trust me."_

_"Yeah right. Do you have any idea who I am? People know my name. They will be looking for me. And then they're going to put you and those crazy bitches away forever," she spat at him._

_"I know you. You were on tv a few years ago. That show about the volleyball team."_

_She said nothing, just glared at him. Gradually, she began to relax. "You really aren't like them, are you?"_

_"No I'm not. What's your name?"_

_"Lila Archer. Are you really going to let me go?" Hope dawned in her eyes. Seeing this, Henry faltered but quickly recovered himself._

_"My name is Henry, and yes, I'm going to take you somewhere better." Moving close again, he embraced her, whispering to her. "It's okay. You're okay."_

_The last instant her body tensed. A slight, but crucial twist and she crumpled to the floor, dead._

LaMontagne was miles away. Henry had seen to that. Maybe not, completly safe but now atleast he had a fighting chance. Sick at heart for what he had done, Henry sliced through a water hose with a box cutter.

His mind tried to rationilize what he had done._ If you hadn't killed her than Maia or one of the others would have and if that had been the case it wouldn't have been as swift or as painless._

He rolled up the window to just where he could slide the hose through. He sat back and watched the garage door close itself.

_It was still murder. How stupid of you to believe you could control her. And now you're just like her._

He turned his key in the ignition and put the earbuds from his Ipod in his ears. He closed his eyes and listenened to the music.

_One more death to make things right._


	11. Chapter 11

"Its not the vodka martini. He actually prefers whiskey."

Garcia rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, Reid. He says that line in every single movie."

"That's not true. It hadn't been said until 1956 in Diamonds Are Forever, and even then it wasn't by Bond. Now, the first time he did say it was in Dr. No, 1959. And it was only Sean Connery that made it famous six years later in Goldfinger."

She made an exasperated noise. "I am so glad you're back to normal, Reid."

He smiled, missing the sarcasm. "Me too, Garcia. Now, most people avoid shaking a gin martini because it causes excess oxidation, whereas shaking the vodka martini actually improves the flavor, making it sharper and colder."

"I'll try to remember that."

Hotch stepped inside. "I need to see you in my office, Reid," he said, stiffly.

Garcia shot Reid a fearful glance. "Oh no, he doesn't look happy."

"Its fine," he told her, although he wasn't so sure himself.

"What the hell is this," Hotch said, hardly giving Reid time to get inside the room. He held a file open and was looking through it. "Patient is extremely traumatized by his experiences."

"That's not true-," Reid started to protest, bristling with anger.

Hotch silenced him with a look. "Becomes agitated when pushed on the subject, to the point of open hostility. Increasingly frustrated by the lingering effects of the incident, but avoids all association regarding the event. Do you have any idea what Strauss would do with this information if it came across her desk instead of mine?"

"None of what she is saying is true. Ask Garcia, we were just..." Hotch gave him that look again. Reid sighed and looked away.

"Tell me why I shouldn't suspend you right now?"

Reid remained silent, having no response for that. He continued to avoid Hotch's gaze.

"Yes, I agree, this time you are maintaining the image of control better than you have in the past. But I can look at you and see that is all it is. An image. But that isn't what matters. What matters is your cooperation with this woman. Otherwise, I won't even wait for Strauss, I'll relieve you of your badge and gun myself." Hotch sighed, his anger waning. "Look, Reid, you're a brilliant man, and no one is about to contest that you've been through hell. I need you on this team but what I don't need is a ticking time bomb. Start humoring her, tell what she wants to hear."

Reid rubbed the spot above his eye, feeling the now familiar twinge of pain.

"Go home, Reid."

"Hotch, no. I'm fine."

"That's not what I meant. Take the rest of the day off and get some rest. You're appointment is at 7 p.m. You will be there and when she asks you a question, you answer it."

Garcia stood on the otherside of the door, holding some files in her arms. Reid stopped when he saw her standing there. "How much did you hear?"

"Oh, I wasn't eavesdropping," she said, in a small voice.

"Why are you looking like that then?"

"Some things can through. It's awful," she said. He put his hand on her shoulder. She gave him a little smile.

"Reid, aren't you supposed to be leaving," Hotch said.

"Yeah, I was just talking to Garcia. Going now."

Hotch held the door for Garcia and closing in behind her.

"Sir, can I ask-"

"Sometimes its necessary for me to do what is best for my agents even if they don't like it," he told her. "Now what is that."

"He can't know about this. That girl, the actress that he dated a few times. They found her dead in the back of an abandoned van. Her neck had been broken."

"This is the third person with a connection to Reid that's been murdered in the past two weeks."

Garcia nodded. "First Owen Savage, than Parker Dunley. And now Lila Archer."

"Her neck was broken. A quick death. Not prolonged as the others. There are either multiple unsubs or her death is unrelated to the others."

"It gets weird though. The van was inside of a two care garage, the ignition left on. You know, like if someone wanted to end it all in a relatively painless manner. But something had apparantly clawed its way out of the front seat. Whatever it was left traces of blood, skin and hair. Dna results refer to an unknown species of canine."

Hotch frowned at her. "That's not relevant, Garcia."

"Am I the only one who hears the twilight zone theme?"

"Yes, it's strange but as I already said, not relevant."

* * *

Will slowly returned to consciousness. He sat up and heard something skitter away. He looked up to see a lone coyote, staring at him from less than five feet away. He jumped up and it ran off but only a few more feet.

"Where the hell is this," he said to himself, looking around more. Desert and a lonely stretch of road. Nevada, Arizona? Maybe California. Nowhere near his home in New Orleans.

He found a disposable cell phone in his pocket, as well as a full canteen. He looked at the cell phone. Of course, there was no signal. He shot a wary glance at the lingering coyote, just before starting to walk north.


	12. Chapter 12

There was nothing to be done about it. She simply could not stay away from him. His kindness, his beautiful eyes, and even his incurable awkwardness. Like a moth to a flame.

_"Actually, they aren't attracted to it as much as disoriented by it's presence."_

_"Shut up, Spence," she said, laughing softly._

JJ lay curled up against him, using his body as her pillow. Coming awake, she propped herself up on one elbow and watched him sleep.

"Oh JJ, you are in trouble," she scolded herself.

He cried out in his sleep and his whole body tensed up. She sat up fully, alarmed. She knew not to wake someone that was having a nightmare but was tempted nontheless. With an effort, she restrained herself. She wondered if it was a flashback or just some random, unrelated dream. Just as quickly as it had begun, he relaxed again. She let out a sigh of relief.

"Spence?"

"Mmm?"

"Was it a bad dream?"

He shrugged and then sighed, appearing to fall back asleep.

There was a knock at the door, and Georgia came into the room without waiting for an answer.

"Do you always barge in like that," JJ asked annoyed.

Georgia ignored the question. "What happened? I heard him yell."

"It's nothing. I think he was having a nightmare."

"Ah. Of course, what else could it be?"

JJ blinked. "What does that mean?"

Again, Georgia ignored the question. She handed JJ a prescription bottle. "Have him take one as soon as he wakes up."

"What is it?"

"It's Divalproex. It helps him keep his migraines under control."

"He said you were giving him something else for them."

"I took the liberty of switching his prescription. This is non-habit forming."

"Oh okay." JJ started to ask more but Georgia left the room before she got a chance. She shrugged off the doctor's strange behavior, assuming that it was merely due to it being early on a Saturday morning. She put the bottle down on the nightstand and snuggled back into place. The sounds of his deep, slow breathing lulling her to sleep again.

* * *

Spencer yawned and stretched his arms.

"It's about time. I was beginning to think you would sleep all day."

He blinked a few times and smiled at her. He rolled onto his side and hugged his pillows. "It's Saturday. If I want to sleep all day I will."

She groaned. "Come on, wake up. Georgia brought us breakfast."

"What ever you do, don't eat her cooking."

She laughed. "It's okay. She got it from the store. Fruit and cheese plate."

He opened his eyes again and looked over. "Really?"

"Mmm-hmm. It's got mangoes. I love mangoes. I kind of ate all of them already."

"Greedy."

She threw pineapple at him.

"Geez, JJ. First you eat all the mango, now you're wasting pineapple. What's the matter with you?"

She laughed. She picked up a cube of cheddar and put it in his mouth.

"So you did leave something for me."

She laughed again. He sat up and rested his head on her shoulder. The feel of his breath on the back of her neck made her shiver. She put her hand on his face.

"This is perfect. Everything I want." He slid his arm around her middle. "JJ, you're so beautiful. Can't remember when I haven't loved you."

"Oh Spence..." Did he have to say that?

He cut her off by turning her head and kissing her. She sighed and lost herself again.

* * *

JJ hugged Will. "I've been so lost. God, I'm glad you're here. And you're safe."

Garcia watched the two of them from Morgan's desk. Reid was going through a file and making an effort not to look. She pretended not to notice but the question was burning at her.

"Okay they're gone now," she told him.

"What? Oh that's nice," he said, a lame attempt to appear unconcerned.

"Uh-huh. You know, it's not true, Reid."

"What's not true?"

"What happens in Vegas, doesn't always stay in Vegas."


	13. Chapter 13

"It's not that simple. I wish it were. I love my husband."

Spencer drew a deep breath. "And what exactly is it that you feel for me?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. Oh, god how can anyone not love you?"

"JJ come on. We spent the entire weekend together. I poured my heart out to you and the first thing you did is run right back to him."

"This is why I didn't want to get involved. I knew that something like this would happen."

He stared at her in disbelief. "You didn't want to get involved," he snapped at her. "That's funny. Every single time we were together, you came to me. Have you forgotten that?"

"Keep your voice down."

He complied, though she hadn't expected him to. "JJ, what the hell are you trying to do to me?"

"You've had so much to deal with lately. I wanted to help you feel better."

"Oh that changes everything," he said, calming considerably.

She sighed with relief that he understood her well-meaning intentions.

"You only were with me because you felt sorry for me," he said bitterly.

"Spence..."

"Get out JJ."

"I'm sorry..."

"I told you to leave."

She picked up her purse and quickly fled from the room.

* * *

"Out of all the suspects, Austin Leftwidge is the only one that fits the profile."

"But not perfectly," Rossi said, streaming live from miles away to one of Garcia's monitor's.

Reid shrugged. "He's twenty-one and I said a teenager. I've been wrong before."

"Or you could be correct and he's not the unsub."

"What kind of creep gets off on killing little girls," Garcia said to herself.

The other two, caught up in the profiling, paid her no mind. "The profile called for an emotionally immature individual, physical age may not be relevant. Would you say that he has the emotional state of an adolescent."

"You could say that."

"Then he's probably the unsub."

Garcia laughed. "Oh, Dr. Reid. Even when you're wrong, you're right."

He smiled at her comment, a hint of color touching his face.

She smiled back.

Rossi nodded, following his own train of thought. "Hotch and Morgan are interrogating him. I'm out for now. I'll come back when they have the results."

"I'll be here," Reid said. He hastily pulled the presciption bottle Georgia had forced on him from his jacket. He swallowed one.

"What's that?"

He jumped, the bottle flying from his hand, and rolling across the floor. "It's for the headaches I get."

"Why are you so jumpy?"

"I'm not jumpy."

"Right. That just leapt from your fingers of it's own accord."

"I just dropped it."

She handed him the pill bottle. He reached for it but it slipped from his fingers a second time. He sighed and picked it up from the floor. She watched all of this with a slightly amused expression. "Problems?"

He slipped it back into the jacket and sat down again. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Actually, I'm feeling a little dizzy. I think I'll just lean back until it passes."

She shrugged. As she watched him a memory surfaced, unbidden.

_As if seeing Hotch's stark white face and stunned expression hadn't been enough, she had to see for herself._

_Reid had just been rolled out of what would hopefully be the last surgery and been stuck in this cramped hallway to wait for the next available bed. She stood right beside his gurney, watching the doctor prattle off medical diagnoses to Hotch. She heard something like "Basilar skull fracture." Her breath caught and she tried to block out the conversation._

_One hand clasped Reid's tightly, the other touched the side of his face. "Oh my poor baby," she whispered. Her attention was riveted by the hideous scar that ran along the side of his forehead, no doubt where they had cut him to operate. The skin there had been stappled together. His eyes were opened but remained dull and unfocused. These two things, coupled with the tubes that ran in and out of his nose and mouth, proved to best her. She dropped his hand and backed away. Hotch's eyes lighted on her. "I can't be here," she gasped. She all but ran back to the waiting room, Hotch making no effort to stop her as she fled._

"Why are you looking at me like that," Reid asked, pulling her back into the present.

She stumbled over her words for a few seconds, finally managing to say, "I'm just glad you're back. That everything turned out okay."

He seemed irritated with her. "Well, while you were daydreaming, Rossi has been trying to reestablish the link."

"Oh!" She turned round and pulled him back up on her screen.

The older agent looked haggard. "Leftwidge is not our unsub. There was another murder last night, after he had been taken into custody."

"Maybe it's a team," Reid said offhand.

"It's possible but Leftwidge doesn't seem to play well with others."

Reid frowned. Rossi's voice grew muffled. "Garcia, do you mind?"

"No I don't, but tell me what I'm not supposed to mind?"

He made an annoyed noise. "Turn it back up I can hardly hear what he's saying."

"Do you have anything on your end?"

She grinned at Rossi. "Thought you would never ask. Three of the victims attended a Bar Mitzvah the day before the first murder. I know it's a stretch but it may be a possible connection between them."

"Anything will help. Thanks Garcia."

"The address where the function was held is 1129 S. Lexington." She glanced back at Reid. "Is that better," she asked, after not having done anything to the speakers. He appeared to be absorbed in the suspect's file. "Now who's daydreaming," she muttered under her breath. "He's busy at the moment," she said to Rossi.

"Alright, well if either of you find anything new, let us know. I'll check out that address, see if I can dig up any more clues."

"Will do."

She turned her attention back to Reid. "What are you looking at?"

He blinked and seemed suddenly aware that she was watching him. "Um, the suspect's rap sheet. It has to be him. He exposed himself to a group of minors a little over a year ago."

"Why are you telling me?"

"I was talking to Rossi." He looked over at the monitor. "What happened to him?"

"He went to go check on the address I gave him."

"The address..."

"Are you feeling okay?"

He shook his head as if trying to clear it. "Yeah. I just spaced out a little. I guess."

"Yeah, JJ can be quite distracting."

"I don't want to talk about JJ."

"It's not like I don't know that something happened between you two."

"How is that any of your business?"

She glared at him. "Fine. I was trying to be sympathetic. I know it can be easy seeing them together now that you've shared that with her. But Will's a nice guy, right? You can't hate him...does that sound about right?"

"I already told you I didn't want to talk about it."

She rolled her eyes and turned back to her computers. "Whatever, Reid."


	14. Chapter 14

_His eyes upon your face/His hand upon your hand/His lips caress your skin/It's more than I can stand_

JJ and Will in the hallway, oblivious to everything but each other. He couldn't look but he couldn't ignore it either. What had he expected? That when face with the choice that she would choose him over the father of her child? When it came down to it, how could he compare to that?

_Why does my heart cry/Feelings I can't fight_

Breakfast in bed on Saturday morning. JJ teasing him. JJ asleep next to him. Her golden hair between his fingers. The feel of her next to him, the touch of her hand. The memory alone was enough to make his heart race, his knees turn weak.

_You're free to leave me but just don't deceive me/And please believe me when I say I love you._

Reid sighed and banished these thoughts.

It was three days and another case later. He turned his attention to the file from the last one and Prentiss's end notes. "Leftwidge was formally charged with twelve counts of first degree murder and thirteen counts of sexual assault upon a minor. His accomplice, Walson, was subsequently charged with twelve counts of accesory to murder, and one count of murder." Reid closed the file, feeling a little sick. Two more monsters off the streets. If only it would ever stop...

But it never did. As a testiment to that, Hotch began briefing them on the new case. "So far, four missing persons. Matthew Tomasi and his fiancee Sarah Martinez. Also, Karen Costa and her husband Carlos Costa. No bodies have been found, so we must assume that they are still alive. This message was left on the home computer of the second couple: Hell has three gates: lust, anger, and greed."

"The Bhagavad Gita," Reid said, offhandedly.

"We could be looking at a mission-based killer, targeting bi-racial couples," Morgan offered.

"With a possible religious motivation," Prentiss added.

"An unsub with above average intelligence. College education, likely. Every man on the street doesn't study Indian folklore and literature," Reid told them.

Garcia cleared her throat. "I read the Kama Sutra," she said, smiling at him.

"That's not the same thing."

"Why not?"

"Enough," Hotch said.

The room suddenly came alive, startling Reid from his train of thought. The colors were vibrant, the voices of the others becoming crystal clear. Everything previously experienced seemed to pale in comparison. He glanced around, completly bewildered by this, watching his teammates closely.

They continued at their work, oblivious to what he was experiencing. His attention was drawn to the crime scene photos. They seemed to leap out at him, every detail of them enhanced a thousandfold. He stood up and walked around the table to where they lay.

As quickly as it had come, the strangeness vanished and everything appeared as it had been before. Somehow, that was more unnerving. The others were all looking at him.

"Did you see anything," Rossi asked.

He felt strange, dizzy almost but that was nothing new these days. He put both hands on the table, trying to maintain his balance. He looked back at the photos. "I need some coffee," he said, hoping there was still some left. He had been drowsy all morning but now...There was a chair behind him. He let himself fall back into it. Everything blurred around him and faded to black.

"I've been here before," he mumbled.

"What," Garcia asked, looking down at him.

"This is wrong. You shouldn't be here. Its supposed to be Hotch."

"Sweetie...it's okay."

A disembodied voice spoke to her "Some confusion is typical afterwards."

After what? Reid tried to see who had spoken but his eyelids felt like lead weights. He looked at Garcia. Her hair was blonde. JJ was blonde. JJ...

He laughed. "You have to watch her. She'll eat all the mangoes..."

Garcia gave him a weird look but then nodded and said, "Okay."


	15. Chapter 15

"Its just that I had allowed myself to believe that it was over. But waking up from the coma was only the beginning of my troubles."

_There was no gradual return to conciousness. Just a burst of intense pain in his head and an overwhelming sense of nausea. He rolled off the bed, hitting the floor. He tried reaching for the small trash can before he was sick._

"When I have a migraine sometimes it's like I'm not even there and all that exists is the pain."

_Two alka-seltzer dissolved into a glass of water. The nurse __practically__ had to pour it down his throat. The IV had been pulled from his hand in his fall and blood streamed from the vein. She lifted his arm above his head and pressed gauze tightly against the area to stop the blood flow._

"I'd been having atonic and myoclonic seizures for several weeks. I had hoped that my colleagues would attribute them to a lack of coordination. I was lucky up to that point. Then Georgia changed my prescription and I knew atleast she knew but I followed her lead and pretended not to notice, like I actually believed it was for the headaches."

"That drug has been successful in the treatment of migraines."

"Technically, they're not even migraines. Post-traumatic headache is the correct term. But thats not why she was giving them to me."

_The pain mercifully subsided. He became aware of Morgan's presence in the room. _

_"What happened?"_

_"You fell, and you went stiff as a board. We called your name and you didn't respond. They said it was a seizure but it didn't look like any seizure I ever saw. And my sister had epilepsy when she was a baby."_

_Reid nodded. "Most seizures don't actually involve convulsions. It sounds like a tonic seizure. Epilepsy is quite common following a head injury."_

"Why would you keep it to yourself?"

"I wanted to keep my job. Strauss was on the warpath and I didn't want to be in her way. As it is, Hotch is trying to salvage my career."

_"You lied to me," Hotch said, glaring at Georgia._

_"No. I just didn't tell you. And can you blame me? He was so happy to be back to work."_

_"You should have said something."_

_She sighed and didn't answer._

_"Does he know about this?"_

_"He must know. I haven't told him, of course, but certainly he is aware of his condition. He pretends not to, probably for reasons I've already discussed with you."_

_"I have to tell Strauss. I can't withold this sort of information from her. Not that EMTs coming into the building and taking him with them would go unnoticed. She'll probably pull me into her office the second I get back there."_

"There are plenty of things that a man with you intellect could do."

"But this is all I can see myself working at."

_"I think you're making a mistake. You should atleast stay the night."_

_"Morgan, there's nothing they can do for me here that Georgia can't do at my place. Besides, I'd rather be home anyway."_

_"Fine, I'll drive you. Don't worry about calling for a cab."_

_"Thanks."_

"This could be a good thing, Spencer. If you choose to look at it that way," Lehi said.

"I'm going to be fired. How is that good?"

"It will give you the break that you need. Besides she can't really fire you legally. There are worker's compensation laws in place to prevent that very thing."

"It's all the same. I won't be able to work there anymore."

_

* * *

_

"How did it go," Georgia asked him, tentatively.

He didn't answer right away. He walked across the room and lay down on the couch, covering his eyes with his arm. "The usual. I hated it."

"Someone sent you an email."

"Alright." He forced himself up again and went to the computer. "Jade Gin Soon. I don't know who that is."

"Sounds Asian," Georgia mumbled.

"Maybe...," he said, uncertainly. He stared at the name, there was something about it. Some clue in the name but just what that was remained unclear. He opened the message.

_Thou art God,_

_Come join the water-sharing ritual_

_170 Cantebury Dr._

_Cantebury, Delaware._

_May you always drink deep._

"What is that?"

"It's a reference to the novel Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein." He looked back at the name in the address bar. Some of the color drained from his face as comprehension dawned on him. "I need to go to Delaware," he said, after a moment of stunned disbelief.

"What? Why?"

"Do you think you could take me?"

"Sure but I don't understand. Why are we going to Delaware?"

"I'm not sure that I do either. Maybe the answers will be there."

"This may be a trick. Think about it Spencer."

"It's not a trick. I need to go there and find out..."


	16. Chapter 16

"I've wanted to see him for so long. I had so many questions I needed answered, so much to say to him. But when I got there I froze up and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't face him." Reid turned to the girl next to him. "You think I'm a coward."

"I don't know," she said uncertainly.

He shrugged and turned his attention back to the bottle of Raksi. His glass was empty so he refilled it. He hesititated for just a moment. He wasn't supposed to drink alcohol while taking his medications. He shrugged again and drained the glass. He put it back on the bar and stared at it morosely.

"You know, you're supposed to go drinking to have fun, not to be more miserable than you were before," the girl said.

"You don't know what I've been through," he said, bitterly. "I just want to forget."

"No, but I can tell you this is never the answer."

He rolled his eyes. "Easy for you to say. You don't know what I'm dealing with."

"I can get you something stronger, if you'd like," she said, almost casually.

He blinked, surprised by what she said. "What?"

"You heard me."

He shook his head. "I've been clean for almost four years. I've gone too far to slip up now."

"Suit yourself," she said. But she continued to watch him from the corner of her eye.

"Exactly what can you get," he asked, after a few minutes.

She smiled, indulgently. "I'm not going to talk about this anymore here."

"Oh right, that's probably a good thing." He shook his head again. "I really shouldn't anyway. It's a bad idea."

"Oh come on. You look like you've been through it. Just relax and enjoy yourself a bit."

"I can't."

She shrugged. "Tell you what. I'll give you my name and number and you can call me if you happen to change your mind." She leaned in close and stuck in his shirt pocket.

He sighed and watched her go. He took out the paper and looked at it. Cale, 282-0602. He crumpled it and started to throw it down. He paused and sighing again slipped it back in his pocket. The drink was strong, he could already feel its effects or maybe that was just the interaction with his medication.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Georgia. He turned around and stared at her in disbelief. "How did you find me?"

"Aaron Hotchner had a tracking device put in your cell phone."

Reid sighed. "Of course he did. Why does that not surprise me?"

"Well, you're not staying here. We're going. Now."

He glared at her. "Why are you even still around? I stopped needing you a long time ago. Do you just enjoy harrassing me constantly?"

"Oh yeah, because clearly, you can take care of yourself. The second you give me the slip you run off and get drunk."

"Thank you, Georgia, a lecture is just what I wanted right now. I'm so glad you're here to give it to me."

She scowled at him. "Shut up and come on."

He stood up, leaning on the bar for support.

"Oh wonderful, you're drunk."

"No I'm not. I only had two. Or was it three?"

"You're AEDs increase the affects of alcohol. You should know that."

"I did. I just didn't care."

* * *

Deja vu. But this time, Georgia was dragging him into a small hotel room, not him leading her into the property in Vegas. Who would they find dead this time, he thought irrationally as they stumbled inside. She dropped him unceremoniously onto the bed where he promptly passed out

* * *

"It's been eighteen hours," Georgia repeated, sounding more annoyed than the first time.

"I heard you the first time," Reid snapped at her. He sat up on the bed, massaging his temples.

"Yeah, that's what happens," she scolded.

He glared at her retreating figure. He felt for Cale's information in his pocket, somehow it was still there. He pulled it out and looked at it again. He watched the door to see where she had gone but didn't see her. He rolled his eyes and took out his cellphone. Before Georgia came back, he was gone.

(Author's note: I have no idea why a small bar in rural Delaware would stock an obscure asian spirit but it seemed to me that Reid would drink something out of the box.)


	17. Chapter 17

_"Tell me who you serve." _

_"I serve you." _

_"Then choose one to die."_

_"What?" _

_"Your team members. Choose one to die." _

_"Kill me." _

_"You said you weren't one of them."_

_"I lied." _

_"Your team has six other members. Tell me who dies." _

_"No."_

_The gun came out, was pointed at his head. Click. "Choose." _

_"I won't do it." _

_Click. "Life is a choice."_

_"No." _

_Click. "Choose." _

_"I choose...Aaron Hotchner."_

Reid moaned, coming back to reality as the laudanum began to wear off. Hotch was still alive and Charles Hankle dead, along with his son and the cruel Raphael. All dead and long buried.

"What happened," Cale whispered. "Was it a bad trip?"

"What did you give me?"

"I told you, laudanum."

"I had a flashback. That's not supposed to happen with laudanum. It's an opiate."

She shrugged. "It happens sometimes," she said dismissively.

"I didn't like it. Don't give it to me again." He sighed. "There will be people looking for me by now."

"Do you want them to find you?"

"Not really. I turned my phone off so they can't track it."

"Well, then you're alright. Forget them for now."

"Yeah."

She handed him a needle. "This is good. I know you're going to like it."

"What is it," he said, taking it from her.

She smiled at him. "Trust me."

He pulled up his sleeve and emptied it into the vein inside his elbow. The effects were immediate and powerful.

* * *

Several hours later, Reid looked around the room in a semiconcious fog as it began to wear off. His eyes fell on a single floor length mirror. Inside there seemed to be another version of himself

"Why the hell are you doing this? I've been clean for four years and now what? You freak out and just throw it away. How could you?"

"Shut up," he murmured, turning his head.

Cale was there, lifting his head so he looked at her. "Are you okay," she said, concern on her face.

"Yeah...that was amazing...I need more."

"I have more."

"Give it to me."

She held up his prescription bottle. "What is this?"

He waved it away. "I don't want that. I want what you gave me before."

"Pcp. You like?"

"Yes."

She shook the bottle. "Willing to share?"

_"Take it!_ Just give me more."

"Sounds like a deal to me."

* * *

He took out his phone and turned it back on. A few seconds passed and it began to buzz. He answered it.

"Where are you?"

He didn't recognize the voice on the other end. "Help me," he pleaded.

Tell me where you are now."

"Help me," he repeated. Tears of shame slid down his face. He wiped them away bitterly.

The voice changed. A woman now. Prentiss? "Tell us where you are and we will find you and help you, Reid. Just tell me."

"What are you doing," Cale asked softly. She took the phone from him and turned it back off. "Look at me."

He stared up at her.

"They'll come and take you out of here. And then you won't be able to get anymore. Is that what you want to have happen?"

He shook his head.

"What do you want?"

"I want more."

She smiled again. "I can take care of that."

* * *

"Was it long enough," Morgan asked, turning to Garcia.

"I have the general area but it wasn't on long enough to get the exact location."

"You were supposed to be watching him," he yelled at Georgia. She said nothing and looked away from him.

Rossi put his hand on Morgan's arm, "Pointing the finger is pointless and wastes time. Time we could be spending finding him. We should go and comb the area. Even if we don't find Reid, we may find a clue."

"He's right," Hotch said. "Lets go. Garcia, call us if it comes back on again."

"Of course I will."

"Everyone else with me."

* * *

"You want it to go away?"

"Yes."

"I can take it away. You never have to think about it again."

"Please..."


	18. Chapter 18

Reid wandered outside. He saw Gideon sitting a small table, a chess set spread out before him. Gideon looked up at him and gestured to the empty seat. "Sit," he said quietly.

Reid complied.

"Make your move," Gideon told him.

Reid leaned forward studying the board. After a minute, he moved one of the pawns forward a space.

Gideon raised an eyebrow, turned his head to the side slightly. "Playing it safe?"

"Until I know the feel of the game, it's the only logical thing to do."

Gideon nodded. "True enough." He took a similar action. "Your move."

Reid moved one of his rooks.

"Why'd you do it?"

Reid shook his head. "You wouldn't understand."

Gideon leaned forward. "Try me." He took a knight with his bishop.

"I wanted to escape."

Gideon nodded again. "I know something about that."

A single burning pulse. Reid ignored it and slid his remaining knight forward, taking the king.

Gideon smiled a little. "That was bold. So much for the cautious approach."

Another pulse. Stronger this time. Suddenly Morgan was leaning over Reid. Yelling his name. Reid's vision blurred again and Morgan's voice faded away.

"What happened," Gideon said mildly.

Reid held onto the table for purchase. "I want to stay here," he cried, softly.

"That's not going to happen. They're not going to stop trying. You know that. Until then, make your move," Gideon told him, gesturing to the board again.

Reid took a deep breath, regaining his composure and moved his knight again, this time taking Gideon's rook.

"Checkmate," Gideon said. He knocked over the queen with his bishop. "Time to go, Reid," he said. Reid stared at the board as everything around him began to dim.

_Click. Whirr. Click. Whirr._

The odd sound was the first thing he became aware of. His lips moved but no sound came out. _No. I don't want to be here anymore._

"Welcome back," he heard Garcia say. It was definitely her but something was strange about her voice. He tried to look at her but his lids were too heavy and wouldn't obey.

_Oh now, you've done it. _His chest caught in a half-formed sob.

"They say that right now, you need patience and understanding. But I just don't give a damn," she said, her voice full of hurt and anger. "How could you do something so stupid?"

_I'm sorry_. Again, his lips formed the words but no sound followed. He lifted his arm and touched his throat, feeling something there. Endotracheal intubation with mechanical ventilation. The reason he couldn't speak and the source of the strange noise.

"Yeah. Look at what you've done to yourself," she hissed. "All for a fix? It doesn't matter how smart you are, you're still a damn junkie," she said, viciously.

_I know._ _I'm sorry. _He listened to her retreating footsteps. _You're right. I'm sorry. _He wished she could hear him, that she knew that.

She only made it twenty feet away before her anger dissolved into tears. She backed against the wall, burying her face in her hands as she cried. People were staring but she didn't care right then. Let her be embarrassed about it later. For nearly ten minutes it went on uncontrolled, but then she forced herself to stop and went back to see him again.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and touched his hair. "I didn't mean it, Reid. I'm sorry. I just can't understand why you would do what you did."

_I close my eyes and it's there. It's always there. I can't escape from it. _

"Did you mean to do what I think you meant to do," she whispered.

He managed to nod his head.

"Oh god. Why would you want to go and leave us like that," she said, horrified.

_I'm sorry._

"Relax, it's okay. I think it'll be okay now." She kissed his forehead gently. "You know we'll help you with what ever you need. It's going to be alright," she told him.


	19. Chapter 19

Author note: Disclaimer overdue I suppose, I don't own most of the characters, Cale/Maia/Georgia/Stephanie Rivas are mine though. Lyrics from Fractured chapter 14: Could we start again please from Jesus Christ Superstar, lyrics from chapter 14 of this: Christian's lament from Moulin Rouge, lyrics in this chapter also from JCS, random snippets from various songs, I don't own any of them either. K, I'm done.

_

* * *

_

_You sad, pathetic man/Look where you've brought us to/Our ideals die around us and it's all because of you_

PCP overdose causes respiratory arrest, hypertensive crisis and status epilepticus in those that abuse it. Any one of those conditions are potentially fatal. He had assumed that the third condition would be the most relevant.

It also caused psychotic ideation.

Benzodiazepines to dull the body and the mind, holding the seizures and the hallucinations at bay. Methdone to counter the remnants of Dilaudid and Laudanum.

There was a sharp piece of plastic tucked under the bed's coversheet. They still hadn't found it. Slowly and carefully, Reid pulled it from it's hiding place and reached to cut the IV again.

"What are you doing?"

Reid, startled from the action, turned to see Gideon sitting on the edge of the bed. He stared at him for a moment, unsure if the man was real or just another hallucination.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Reid knew how to sign, had learned years ago in Vegas. It had seemed something to do to fill the lonely hours when his mother had been having one of her fits. And now it was necessary with the intubation still present.

"I-I wasn't sure if you were really there or if I was just imagining you again."

"Yeah, Morgan has shared a few things with me." He held out his hand for the plastic shard still in Reid's hand. "That will only serve to make them more angry with you." Reid reluctantly handed it over.

"What did you take," Gideon asked.

"They haven't already told you?"

"Of course they have. I just wanted to hear it from you."

"Maybe you should be asking what didn't I take. That would be easier for me to explain."

Gideon nodded. Reid made a move miming writing, not being sure of the right signs. Gideon handed him a pen and paper.

"Laudanum, PCP and Dilaudid, of course," Reid hastily scribbled, handing it back.

"Of course," Gideon said.

"Probably some other things too. I'm not sure. I can't remember."

_Everytime I look at you I don't understand why you let the things you did get so out of hand_

Gideon drew in a deep breath. "Statistically, when someone becomes addicted to a substance, at some point in their life they relapse."

"Statistics? Isn't that my area?"

"I thought you would like it. You need to eat something."

"How can I eat with this thing in my throat? Besides I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are."

Reid looked away.

Gideon smiled a little. "Must be difficult, having people who care about you and insist on making sure you're alright."

"They care too much. I wish they would let it be."

The smile grew. "Now we're getting somewhere. Tell me what you mean."

"I knew what she was giving me. I knew I would overdose. It wasn't an accident."

"That is something that Morgan refuses to believe. I doubt even if you told him yourself that he would. 'You were under the influence. You couldn't have known what you were doing. You try to kill yourself? Impossible.'," Gideon told him.

"They weren't supposed to find me."

"And there's the contradiction. You begged for help over the phone. Obviously, there is some part of you that wanted to live. And in the meantime they are all out there beside themselves."

"I've let everyone down."

"No, that's not true. There is only one person that you have disapointed. If you would like I can get a mirror so you can see..."

"I know you're angry. I can see it. There's no point in pretending that you're not."

"No one's angry with you-"

"Garcia is! She yelled at me. And she was right."

"Garcia is upset and confused. She can't understand why you did what you did. She doesn't know what it's like to need it."

"Oh and you do?"

Gideon ignored this. "No Reid. No one is angry with you. You're not well. It's an illness like any other. Why should someone be angry if you had caught the flu," Gideon continued on in the same calm voice. It grated Reid, making him ever more furious with Gideon. With himself.

"It's nothing like the flu."

"You weren't in control of your actions. You couldn't help yourself. You needed it to feel better. Does that sound about right?"

"You have no idea."

"I know more about it than you realize. I know how you can't sleep. Hell, how you can hardly breathe. And you can't shut it out, can't will it away."

"Stop. I don't want to talk about this."

"Was it the incident in Devens? Your mother's death? Or is it just the stress of the job? Maybe even a combination of the three?"

"No."

"Reid, I think this is exactly what you want to talk about. You just can't admit it to yourself. Or won't."

_Cut the confessions, forget the excuses/__I don't understand why you're filled with remorse._

Gideon glanced over the monitors. "You're heart is racing, Spencer. And you're blood pressure is going up. If I checked I'm sure that I would find your palms are getting sweaty. Have I triggered a panic attack?"

Reid clutched at the sheets, trying to conceal his shaking hands.

Gideon sighed. "Alright, I'll stop. It's not like I want things to get out of hand. You've told me all I needed to know anyway. How long do you think you can avoid it? All your denials, sure there's nothing wrong. You're handling things perfectly fine. That's why you tried to kill yourself. That's why you took off in the first place to go get drunk." He held up the piece of plastic again. "That's why you had this. You've forced our hands, Spencer. In a month, you'll be dead if you keep on. Maybe that's what you want. For people to say 'Reid was so smart. It's just too bad what happened to him.' You want people to feel sorry for you? Is that why you've done this? Was it worth it?"

"No. I'm just so tired."

"Yeah, I know you are."

A nurse had come in during the dialogue. Gideon finally looked over at her. "Lets get this done and over with," he told her.


	20. Chapter 20

Gideon stepped away allowing the nurse to do her work. Reid watched her with growing alarm. "Just relax," she told him. She added something to his IV.

_What are you doing?_

"Relax," she repeated.

_No!_ He snatched at his IV nearly pulling it loose. She pushed his hand away.

"Stop that," she said firmly.

He fought against her, trying again to pull it from his arm.

"Reid," Gideon said. Reid looked up at him. The distraction was all that was needed for her to add the anaethesia and it to begin it's work. Within seconds Reid was unconcious. Gideon looked at the nurse. "Can I have a moment?"

She gave him a skeptical look but left them anyway.

"I can't help but feel this was partly my fault. If I hadn't left the way I did maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe I would have noticed the signs."

"I noticed them. But I failed to put it together."

Gideon turned his head to see Hotch leaning against the door frame. "Don't go blaming yourself for what happened."

"But it's okay for you to do it?"

"Alright, I'll give you that one."

"What's happening," Hotch asked Gideon.

"They've started the naltrexone drip. Rapid detox. It won't be a pleasant experience so they put him under."

"Maybe it will make more of an impression if he sweats it out."

"Concious withdrawl over the course of several days would accomplish little. Besides the treatment is only effective with the narcotics in his system. PCP is a whole different story."

The nurse returned and shoed them from the room.

"So what's your profile?"

"Psychotic depression associated with post-traumatic stress disorder."

"Psychotic," Hotch said, raising his voice. Some of the people in the hall with them glanced at them. Hotch noted this and continued on in hushed tones, "You're not serious?"

"The explosion may have been the very thing that caused the break. He is prone to it, as you well know. And you, yourself, admitted to seeing the signs but failing to make the connection."

"I noticed the signs of potentially self-destructive behaviour. Don't turn this into something it's not."

"Maybe you should take a lesson from him. Avoiding it won't make the issue go away."

Hotch shook his head. "PCP is known to cause temporary psychosis."

"Not months ahead of ingestion. I hear that he's been having hallucinations involving me since earlier on in this ordeal. You're almost as bad as Morgan. The fact is that Reid needs help and we've exhausted our supply."

Hotch sighed. He sat down in one of the chairs. "I've messed up again. I thought that contacting you would do some good. I thought that maybe seeing you again would help him. Instead, I've succeeded in pushing him over the edge."

"I thought that we had already discussed not blaming ourselves? Besides it has helped, even if it wasn't clear at the time."

"He tried to kill himself! How is that helping?"

"It means that he can't hide from it any longer." Gideon glanced at the clock on the wall. "I have to go."

"Where to?"

"I have a meeting I need to get to."

Hotch bristled. "Is it really more important than being here for him?"

Gideon ignored this and headed to the elevator. "I'm coming back."

* * *

"Jason Gideon," Rycroft said, half-surprised to see his old friend and former colleague.

"I need a favor."

Rycroft blinked, still a little unnerved. "Okay, lets get right to it. Close the door and have a seat."

"I've come here because there are no more options. The person in question has resisted every effort to return to normalcy and continues to spin out of control."

"This is someone close to you?"

"Not as close as we once were, but more or less."

"Than have you considered the fact that you may be overreacting?"

"I'm not. His life is in danger. He's dangerously suicidal. Substance abuse. There's been a possible psychotic break. I wouldn't be here if I didn't feel it was absolutely necessary. If I could help him I would."

"Alright, I have to do an eval before I admit him."

"That's fine. "

"Will there be any difficulties in bringing him here? I can send someone to his location."

"That won't be necessary. He'll come willingly, I know, but right now he's still in the ICU, having overdosed on PCP. Maybe you can do your evaluation there."

"I'll see what I can do. Are you sure about this?"

"I don't know what else to do," Gideon told him.

* * *

Half in a fog of medication, Reid stared at the ceiling. Guilt and shame knawed at him, as his former coworkers drifted in and out of the room. Morgan with his denial and disbelief, Prentiss with calm acceptance sharing a non-judgemental attitude with Rossi, Garcia remained bewildered and distraught by his actions, and Hotch carried an air of solemn disapointment. Gideon, however, continued his constant reassurance.

How he had grown to despise these people. No more than he cursed himself for his weakness and selfishness, the pain he had caused all of them. He had welcomed their anger, was it not what he deserved, but not one of them seemed to be. He hated their company and gave them no sign that he knew they were there, other than to close his eyes and ignore them. But he hated more the endless hours in between filled with quiet lonliness.


	21. Chapter 21

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, a patient like the one you're describing needs a well established secure enviroment. He also needs to feel like he's in control of his life. You all are aware that the absence of those two things can cripple an individual more than any nightmare, or flashback."

"Yes, I know," Gideon said quietly.

"You can't be serious about this," Morgan said, angrily.

"Morgan...," Garcia whispered.

He ignored her, looking from Hotch to Gideon to Rycroft. "I am not going to be a part of this." He started to walk away.

Garcia stood up to appeal to him, but Prentiss touched her arm, staying her. No one said a word and so she watched him leave. She looked around at the others' faces, half-angry, half-sad and all the way confused. Everything had been going so well, and now had gone so wrong. She sat back down, feeling shaky and weak. _How did it happen, _she asked herself._ How did it come to this?_ Those thoughts went round and round in her mind on a seemingly endless cycle.

Rycroft went on, after a moment, as if nothing had happened. "The therapist he was seeing early on tried to force him to talk without allowing him time to get his bearings. And that only exaberated the condition. Jason told me that he will allow himself to be admitted if it comes to that. I hope that he is right. Forcing Dr. Reid into a facility would be detrimental to his recovery. The best thing is for it to be his decision. And so I plan on appealing to that. If I succeed then that is half the battle."

* * *

"I assume you know why I'm here," Rycroft said, after introducing himself.

"Yeah, my friends think I've gone crazy," Reid replied. He cleared his throat and touched the spot where they had done the tracheotomy. It was still sore from that and talking again seemed to irritate his entire throat

"None of them used that word, as I recall."

"Don't patronize me."

Rycroft smiled for a moment before becoming serious again. "Now I see what Jason was talking about."

"What do you mean by that?"

Rycroft made an ostentatious show of writing something in his log.

Reid sighed, irritated. "I know this game. I've used it myself, seen it used. In interrogation."

"Game? No. My dog has a skin infection and I need to pick her prescription from the vet before I go home. I find that often if I don't write something down I forget to do it. The string trick doesn't work for me. I forget the reason I tied it on in the first place."

"A skin infection? Really?" As if he was going to buy the ploy.

"Yeah. She needs keflex." He paused and looked up at Reid. "Why? Did you think that I was writing about our conversation?"

"And now you're trying to make me feel insignificant."

"I think you're broadcasting. You feel insignificant therefore everyone else must think so. Is that correct?"

"Stop trying to trick me into saying something." He coughed and cleared his throat again.

"You should relax. You're way too tense. Nothing is going to happen in here that you don't want to happen."

"Yeah right. It all comes back to Devens and what happened there."

"I'm sorry, I must be missing something. Jason told me that you wouldn't want to discuss that incident."

"I don't."

"Well you were the one who brought it up."

Reid said nothing.

"I was told you had a therapist before. What happened with that?"

"I hated her. She kept throwing out fancy words and had little idea of what they actually meant."

"Somehow I doubt that. She had the knowledge but lacked the method. That sounds more likely. These sessions were mandatory, yes?"

"They were."

"And they were uncomfortable for you, I'm guessing?"

"If there is a point you're trying to make, can we please get to it?"

"There's no need for you to be so defensive."

"If I'm defensive it's because everyone is overreacting."

"You attempted suicide. Your friends are concerned for you. I'd hardly call this an overreaction."

"They should really mind their own business."

"Would you if the situation was reversed? If one of them had three and 2 , a genius IQ along with a career of considerable prestige, in short alot to offer the world, and then that person goes off and tries to throw it away. How would you feel about that person? Wouldn't it make you sad? Wouldn't you want to help them?"

"They're not trying to help me. They sent you here. They sent me to Lehi. They're trying to discredit me. They're saying that because of what happened in Devens that I've lost it."

"I wonder if you hear yourself right now. How you sound."

"What-"

"You've worked with these people for years. Do you honestly believe what you're saying?"

Reid started to say something but then shut his mouth again. He gave Rycroft a blank look.

"Now do you see?"

"It's true. They're right."

Rycroft shook his head. "It's not true and that's not what they're thinking."

"Delusions of persecution. I've seen it in others. How did I miss it in myself," Reid said, under his breath. He looked at Rycroft again. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing that can't be fixed. You're just thrown off a little. You're clearly no threat to others but I can't overlook the self-destructive behavior."

"What do you mean?"

"You have two options, Dr. Reid. You listed Aaron Hotchner as next of kin and as such he is prepared to act on your behalf if you should refuse."

"This can't be happening."

"It is and you will find it is not as bad as it seems right now."

Reid let out a derisive laugh. "Not that bad? I'm only losing everything I worked for and I have no choice but to go along with it."

"There is a choice."

"How when it's going to happen either way?"

"Well, you can choose to take back control of your life, or you could relinquish that right. It's up to you."


	22. Chapter 22

"Wow, so it really is as simple as signing a piece of paper," Reid said nervously. He took the pen that Rycroft had given him but his hands were shaking so badly he could hardly hold it.

"Take a minute if you need to."

Reid sucked in a deep breath and signed the paper quickly. He let the air out and sat back.

"Alright," Rycroft said. He reached to take it and gave Reid a fleeting glance. "I know this is not easy for you but you've done what's best for you. And I'm telling you it's not going to be as bad as you're imagining. Besides, don't you feel a little better already?"

Reid took a moment to consider. There was a sense of relief, he realized. "Yeah it does," he said, quietly.

"Your friends are outside. Would you like to speak with them?"

Reid sighed. "They're not?"

Rycroft smiled. "They don't leave you alone, do they?"

"Never." Reid took another deep breath. "Yeah I'll see them. It sounds good." His voice still was subdued.

"Alright than lets go." Rycroft stood up and held the door for him.

Garcia was the first to look up. She shot up from her seat so fast that it was a wonder she didn't sprain something. She stared at Reid, her eyes huge and empathetic, mouth trembling.

No one said anything. Reid racked his brains for something to break the awkward silence. "Hi guys."

"How are you feeling," Prentiss asked him, her tone somewhat cautious.

"Well, I'll be okay but it looks like Garcia's about to fall apart."

Garcia let out a little laugh. She wiped an errant tear from her cheek. "I'm fine love." She sniffled and gave him a small smile.

"Where's Morgan?"

Garcia started to answer but Hotch cut in. "He had to go take care of something."

Reid looked at him, sensing there was more to it. He waited for Hotch to elaborate but he was giving nothing up. So Reid decided to let it go for now. They all lapsed back into an uncomfortable silence. Reid shuffled his feet a bit before turning back to Rycroft. "Maybe we should just go," he suggested.

Rycroft shrugged. "If that's what you want." He started to walk away. Reid gave the others one last look, before turning to follow.

"Wait," Garcia called. She grabbed her purse and hurried to catch up. "If you don't mind, maybe I can ride along," she said, adressing Rycroft. "Just to see him off."

"It's alright with me. Dr. Reid?"

"Yeah I'd like that. Thanks Garcia."

"I'm coming too," Gideon announced, joining them.

* * *

Prentiss stepped into the quiet room. She turned on the light. Hotch and Rossi filed in behind her and went to the other room. She looked around, taking in the place. It was almost exactly as she had anticipated it to be. Books and magazines everywhere. On the kitchen countertop, the couch, stacked on the floor. She picked up one and read the cover, _Genes in Conflict._ She smiled wistfully.

_Where to begin? How does one examine a life and determine their most valued possessions? I'm a profiler, I should know this. But right now, I'm drawing a blank. I know it was the right thing to do, but it just feels so wrong. Like we gave up on him. One of our own and we could do nothing to help. _She sighed and lifted another book. _Consider This._ The odd title intrigued her. She opened it an flipped through a few pages. Each seemed to contain only one or two lines. Simple, thought provoking questions and phrases. _This is something he would like._

In the other room Hotch and Rossi went about a similar task. Casual attire, or rather what Reid consider casual attire, sweaters and jeans were scattered randomly about the room. Sweater vests, dress shirts and pants hung on one side of the closet. Well-tailored and neatly pressed business suits dominated the other side. Together they perused through the clothing, picking things at random and adding them to the suitcase.

Prentiss joined them, holding a few books and a blue folder. "Apparently Diana Reid still published articles from time to time. He keeps them in here. It also has her obituary." Hotch nodded. She lay the folder on top of everything else.

* * *

Garcia wrapped herself around Reid, and held on tight. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," she whispered.

"It's okay," he assured her. "Someone had to even I didn't want to hear it. I shouldn't be acting like that. I'm sorry too. I never meant to hurt you guys the way I did."

"Oh Reid...don't. I don't want you feeling guilty."

He drew back and gave her a sad, little half smile. Then he looked at Gideon.

"I'm proud of you, son."

"But...I've ruined everything."

"Come now. That's not what happened."

"Sorry to interrupt," Rycroft cut in, "but we have a schedule to adhere to."

"Oh. Yeah, with that 'sick' dog of yours."

"Okay. I'm going to be back, first chance I get. Promise," Garcia told him.

"I know you will," he said, giving her the same half-smile. Another quick hug from her and then they were gone.


	23. Chapter 23

"Before I go there are a few things we need to discuss. Rules, the medications you'll be taking and such," Rycroft said.

"What?" Reid wasn't sure he heard correctly. "My medication? I thought that was decided for me."

"Why should it be?"

"I don't know. I just thought-"

"It's you body, your life. Don't you think you should have a say what goes into it? Unless you would prefer to default?"

"No. I just wondered is that orthodox?"

"If every patient is unque how can anything be orthodox? Please step into my office."

The room was a model of professionalism. Reid sat down, trying not to look around too much. But his eyes wandered...drifting from item to item. He mentally noted which ones seemed to be of the most significant. "Once a profiler, always a profiler, huh," Rycroft commented.

"Sorry," Reid told him. "Habit."

"It's fine. I know Jason, after all. Familiar territory. Now, I hear for a time that you were having visual hallucinations?"

"Not since I came out of the coma."

The non-chalant manner that Reid said this gave Rycroft pause but he made no comment. "Visual hallucinations are quite rare and almost unheard of in mental illness, despite what Hollywood would have us believe. More than likely they were related to one of your injuries, especially given that they've ceased for some time now. I'm not really that concerned with them. The delusions that you're having on the other hand-"

"Yeah but it's not that bad..."

"When we met earlier you kept saying things like 'They think I'm crazy,' and "They want to discredit me.' Would you consider that your normal train of thought?"

"No but-"

"So that's not how you would normally think and feel about your colleagues?"

"I don't know why I'm thinking that but it's not like I'm going to go off and hurt one of them or anything like that."

"So you still don't think that those thoughts are cause for concern?"

"Look, I'm tired. It's been a rough day. Can we just get to it so I can lay down?"

"Alright then. How do you feel about Abilify?"

"It's an antipsychotic with mood stabilizing properties. For anything from Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder to simple anger management."

"Yes, Dr. Reid. I know what it is. I'm asking you for your opinion. Would you like to try it?"

"Oh. Yeah we could do that."

"Now, most antipsychotics interfere with seizure disorder. But for the time being, we'll keep you on your current medication for that condition, if that's alright? Are you still having nightmares?"

"Yes."

"Are you aware of the effects that the drug Minipress has on that aspect of ptsd?"

"Minipress is for high blood pressure."

"Yes, I know that. But it also shows promise with certain aspects of ptsd."

"I'm having them almost everynight. I'll try anything."

"Not anything, Dr. Reid. It's that attitude that got you here in the first place. What about Pristiq?"

"Sure."

"Alright, well if Abilify causes the issues we discussed I'll ready a prescription for Dilantin as a precaution. As long as you're okay with that?"

"It's fine."

"You'll be staying in room 206. I will have one of the nurses show you around. There are a few simple rules here. No one is allowed on the outside grounds after 8pm or 7am, those also being the regulation for visitors. You must be in your quarters by no later than midnight, what you do in there after that is your business, provided it's not disruptive. There are supervised scheduled trips out of grounds twice a month."

"In short this is a low security prison."

"You should consider yourself lucky. Some of our residents are confined to their quarters 24/7. While you're staying here, you're expected to maintain your living space and your person hygiene atleast moderately. Don't look at me like that, I'm required to go over everything. You can skip one meal per day provided it is not the evening meal. Failure to comply with the last two means that you have defaulted and someone will be assigned to assist you with it. Meals are at 9am, 12pm and 6pm. Vending machines are in the dining area, the lobby and the recreation area. I think that's everything. Any questions?"

"No I got it."

"If you will excuse me then, I should have been home hours ago and my wife will never let me hear the end of it." Rycroft led him back to the hallway. "Jessica should be coming around any minute-ah there she is. She'll show you to your room. And since you've already missed the evening meal, accomodations will be made. Someone will be by your room with it, shortly."

"Thank you."

"Dr. Reid, this is Jessica Preston, one of our RNs. Jessica, this is Dr. Spencer Reid, our newest reisdent. I'll leave the two of you to it."

"So you're a doctor," Jessica asked. Her tone was a little too indulgent.

"I'm not delusional, well I am, but not with that. I have ."

"Right. I'm sorry. You should try to relax. This place is okay," she told him. Her voice was only a little less obnoxious this time.

"Jessica, do you enjoy working here? I mean, really enjoy what you do for this place? No I'm not threatening you, I'm just asking you a question."

"Well, yeah. I love working with the patients and my coworkers are all amazing."

"Then try to understand how I feel. I loved my job with the FBI. It was my livlihood. But I screwed up in the worst way possible and lost it as a result. My mother is gone. My good health is gone, half the time I'm worried that I'm going to have a fit. I've lost my job, my credibility because of what I did. And so my friends sent me here to this place. There worst of it all is that I know they were right for what they did. How would you feel right now if you were in my position?"

"I-"

"Then stop talking to me like that."


End file.
